Today was Todd’s birthday, he turned 19. I wanted to wish him well and congratulate him but I didn’t. He needed some time away from me and I agreed that it is best for both of us if he got that time. We spent an amazing 19 months together, I heard from him most days, even if it was just to tell me he had a long and tiring day and would get back to me at another stage. He would send me messages telling me how he was thinking of me. I miss them but I still know that he is.
I loved Todd. I thought that we were going to be in the lives of one another forever. But our relationship wasn’t equal; I think that he had too much power. It’s not that he went and exercised all this power, but it was just how it naturally fell. Anything he asked of me, I would do. I would always succumb to him because I needed him much more than he needed me.
But I needed closure on the situation between us. I couldn’t just cut my ties with him. This was my best friend. I didn’t know how to get over the hurt and pain of it all. It was sudden, it was unexpected. I don’t ever want to go back to how things were between us. I was flying back from Melbourne, coming back to life in a new year. I imagined that Todd had died. In a way, he has. That way I can just think of the wonderful times we had, I can imagine that I will never see him ever again, I don’t have to wait for that phone call or that email from him on Valentine’s Day or at birthdays. I think that is how I managed to get closure on the situation.
I loved Todd. I thought that we were going to be in the lives of one another forever. But our relationship wasn’t equal; I think that he had too much power. It’s not that he went and exercised all this power, but it was just how it naturally fell. Anything he asked of me, I would do. I would always succumb to him because I needed him much more than he needed me.
But I needed closure on the situation between us. I couldn’t just cut my ties with him. This was my best friend. I didn’t know how to get over the hurt and pain of it all. It was sudden, it was unexpected. I don’t ever want to go back to how things were between us. I was flying back from Melbourne, coming back to life in a new year. I imagined that Todd had died. In a way, he has. That way I can just think of the wonderful times we had, I can imagine that I will never see him ever again, I don’t have to wait for that phone call or that email from him on Valentine’s Day or at birthdays. I think that is how I managed to get closure on the situation.
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